Friday, April 10, 2009

RUN FOR THE HILLS...

THE HELIUM CLUB
Oh. My god. I'm not sure what I just saw and I'll probably hate myself for posting about it on my blog because it will only confirm it's existence - but have you checked out, "The Helium Club?" Wild. This show packs in some of the most amazing faces, fashion, music, and grammar produced by this country of 7,107 islands in a long long while. And by amazing, I mean not amazing at all. Supposedly the world's first online reality series (questionable), The Helium Club attempts to be a peek into the rarefied lives of Manila's five most fabulous faces currently on the scene (Tara, JV, Bianca, Kristine, and Martin). And although it tries to be the Filipino answer to "The Hills", it comes across instead as the surreal jologs love child of... of ... God, I have no idea. This baby is in a class of it's own.

Log onto their five minute trailer on facebook and check out how many levels of wrong this show descends. After opening up with the cryptic phrase, "Live side by side the excess of our society's newest youth powerhouse", it's all downhill. I mean, really, what does "youth powerhouse" mean? It doesn't make sense. Their copywriter should be fined for assault and battery on the English language, while the entire cast could be flogged for the improper use of the words "Prada", "Dude", "Hell, yeah" and "Rustan's". But even then, I would finish the trailer just to catch soon-to-be-classic phrases like: "Cats are better than men", "You snooped on my planner" and  "It just comes natural." Finally, it's all wrapped up with a photoshoot with BryanBoy (Does he even know he is in there? Yikes). I mean, what's going on? Is this a joke? It must be a parody of Manila's "high society" because endless shots of chubby Filipinos chowing down on North Park as they twang in worsh worsh just isn't ghetto fabulous, if you know what I mean.

So can someone please clue me in? If this is satire, then it's fricking brilliant! No director could ever come up with comedy so spot on that it begged to be mocked. But if it's not. Then, Wow. No comment.

70 comments:

Dario said...

Everything you said... :)

Kat said...

The title is apt. They're full of nothing but air. :p

Geez, why must Filipinos emulate everything the Americans do? It just doesn't work!

Eve said...

Nooooooooooo!!! :(

Anonymous said...

Spot on, Carlos! Bravo that you are bold to blog about it!

And I also read their response to criticisms. Tsk, tsk. They are so arrogant, they believe that it is such a great show that they can't even take the criticisms at face value. They concluded that it was just crab mentality.

Yes the acting is so bad. The characters are so pretentious, so is the creator, making sure Prada and "Rahsstan's" are mentioned in the 5 min trailer. Real society does not flaunt. The show is so mediocre that it is an insult to the Filipinos' intelligence and taste. It would have been better if it was a satire, but I don't think it was meant to be. Filipinos need more than this.

Zriz said...

OMG! They didn't! Now this is another reason why I hate these Pinoy reality shows!

Now, if they just couldn't help but do a Pinoy version of The Hills, then they should do it in Tagalog. Please!

Cush said...

Please tell me the show's title is itself blatant evidence that the show is satirical.

J said...

by the look of it I think they were taking it seriously

Cheng said...

oh no! someone said they're from la salle! :( oooohhh nooo.
sad sad sad.
and the funny thing is, someone also said ateneo's coming up with one too.
seriously?
this is just so wrong and really sad.

The Nashman said...

Wopeeee! It's funderful. It's like roadkill - a disaster but utterly compelling.

National Geographic should syndicate it!

When I grow up, I wanna be like them. Definitely putting it on bookmarks!

Onward to pershworld shtatush 2020!

razielle said...

there is only one word to describe this show- genius.

Brian Shane said...

Hahahahaha. Good one Carlos.

dizzysatch said...

Oh lordy.
To quote book editor PNH, "This is stupid. I now have stupid all over me."

niki said...

I don't get the photo. Is that supposed to be a bed outside what looks to be part of Greenbelt? And if so, why?

Or maybe I'm not really supposed to get it like I'm not supposed to get the show?

kermit d'frog said...

tara tambunting looks like arnold clavio, are they related?

kawawa naman ang pilipinas talaga, kung mga ganito lang ang klase ng kabataan na makikita sa TV. very low. sana wag silang gayahin.

MJV said...

Kind of embarrassing. Who are they? And hat's so great about that girl with a weak chin? What's her claim to fame? All of them? Are they like super millionaires? Well, for one thing, I don't watch The Hills.

Anonymous said...

it was so painful to watch... like i was using a cheese grater to scratch my back.

crisgee said...

"it all comes natural" --- ROFL

Em said...

"Best Watched thru Internet Explorer."
HAHAHAHA.

Chinachix said...

youth powerhouse = the helium club = disturbingly serious disconnect.

clamchowder said...

a planner? what kind of boy still owns a planner?

oh, accdg to his girlfriend (super sosyal, take note...eating at north park), it's a plunner.

this is so bad, even my soul hurts.

Flannigan Moneypenny said...

uuurhm best satire since Chip Tsao?

Rina said...

who are these "5 Faces" of Manila anyway? i don't even know them. :P

watching the trailer was so excruciating...it was like having my teeth pulled out. eek.

to Carlos: i totally agree with your blog entry.

Katrina said...

From their Facebook page:

"WATCH how 5 young lives coming from totally different mini-worlds of their own, would become this season’s hottest bets to the Manila social pawn fixture, while their stellar paths cross, fake fronts crash and life tracks collide ALL into one BIG DRAMA.

Lives will change as all roads lead to one ending, where only sharp lines are spoken and dagger stares are thrown.

Where big actions are made,
impulses trusted,
rationales traded,
friendships destroyed
and true love created.

WITNESS how 5 faces representing a million diverse young lives would become the mirror to their own social power hubs and take down the rest.

In a city of thriving hip cultures and avant garde trends

LEARN how every person’s dreams can cost the others’ loss of their own. That boy’s aspirations may be this girl’s down fall. The mourning of a loser is the celebration of the winning side. Yet all it takes is a leap into the unknown and a bold heart to be real.

A society circle that will break the apathy in this City we all love, that for once we too shall have the chance to show the World the other side of what this young generation is really all about. Cliché runs as to Who we are and What we really are made of.

EXPECT for pure-grade high-end Real Drama from Real People in this same Town we now call LuxeManila. The virtual space of “real life” party – it only happens here at The Helium Club."

I don't even know where to begin...Every line is a gem. I wish I could commit the whole thing to memory so that I could quote it at will.

The Nashman said...

kermit the frog has a point.

maybe 'tara' is arnold clavio dressed in drag??

Mark . said...

5 faces that will change Manila !!!.....Rizal changed Manila , WW2 changed Manila , Ninoy Aquino changed Manila and People Power changed Manila ....these people look as if they would have trouble changing their minds . Then again if this is satire, then its world class , but sadly i suspect its seeing itself as serious cutting edge blah blah blah....why waste anymore keystrokes on this drivel.

Anonymous said...

You mean this isn't a comedy?!

BraveHeart said...

this isnt a parody...
what we're they thinking?!

Ryan Fernandez said...

Nobody can change Manila.

ALL Filipinos are social climbers. The Filipinos have mastered the art of social climbing.

Marj Libby said...

In my opinion, there is only one segment of the video that I liked and that is Bryan Boy's segment.

He got recognized by Marc Jacobs and there is reason to rejoice albeit in the wrong forum. I put BB in the same category as Madonna ( as in the LV video).

Bea said...

Hilarious
/gag

michelle cunningham said...

the thing that gets me the most is that as talented as this country is we have a tendency to do knock offs instead of coming up with our own stuff. now the same could be said about the US copying things out of BBC but i can't say that they make the knock off cheesier.

Karen said...

Thud.
Thud.
Thud.

That is the sound of my head hitting the wall.

And I thought Zombies and Body Snatchers were scary!

Anonymous said...

anything with Bryan Boy Yambao is disgusting

Anonymous said...

Ikulong ang mga ito sa National Library, Sa Rizal Library ng Ateneo, at sa UP Library....let them read books and listen to people with brains and talents. Is this the future of this country?

Nelo Manzo said...

There you go again folks. You say "listen to people with brains and talents".

The last time folks listened to "people with brians and talents", Erap was forcibly removed and GMA got installed. Ateneo and UP do not have the monopoly of talents in this country. In fact, alumni of these schools turned the country into what it is now.

We are curing a social disease with another form of elitism.

Anonymous said...

I think that this is a comedy show.It's brilliant if it truly is.

Yo Penneh said...

Lmaoooo this is like that show on QTV, Lipgloss? Which is supposedly the pinoy version of GossipGirl, sooo not!

Len said...

Carlos, take it from me and love it or hate it - coming from me, an MTV employee: this is going to be popular (and if there's a hell down below, we're all gonna go!)

len

Anonymous said...

this is epic! seriously. love it or hate it. this is gonna be talked about. this is what they want!

Anonymous said...

honestly i find it very intriguing and fresh. no matter how you say its a rip off of what show. I think it's juicier cause this is real and Gossip girl is not. But yeah anyway i hope this doesnt disappoint me though. several of my blockmates signed up as a fan already. theyre claiming to be in existence for just 10 days and look at all the buzz they have created already. :))

Anonymous said...

and besides. i think ur blogging does them good. its bad publicity but you know the old saying.... i actually find that Jv hot! hahaha!

Danielle said...

yeah jv is hot but too bad he's already got a girl. and yeah he's mine. sorry hun!

Anonymous said...

hi carlos, about your comment on the people who are "chubby" and eating at north park, i mean dont people like complain whenever women wanna be like those 80-pound models who eat imaginary food or starve themselves or crash diet or what, i mean i think people should be healthy, keep a safe weight and if they dont, leave them alone, if they are happy with their body then leave it at that, i dont think that ALL people who go into that industry should be skinny and all skeleton like,(im not saying this coz im a fatty or what, im healthy and "normal weighted" or what ever)

oh and so what if they are speaking english at north park? dont you love north park? their food rocks! where do kids go after clubbing to grab a bite? its at places that are open till super late, and north park is one of them! haha i think it shows their "normal-ness" or reality or whatever..

im not a fan per say, but i dont hate the show yet, coz come on, it hasnt even aired online yet! haha okay so ill give them the benefit of the doubt, (FOR NOW) but if it is just a cheap imitation of the hills, then whatever, the show will die and it will be their loss, not us the viewers, i dont think the whole show is on the "high society or the elite" coz i watched the trailer a few times, and like 2 people there are trying to get jobs or careers or something, that jv guy and that bianca girl, (they both mentioned careers, so i guess theyre trying to work) the 2 girls in the beginning/fashion part so sound really really full of it though, but whatever, no one cares if they had LV and prada and chanel. sooner or later they will realize their stuff wont make them happy. but they dont seem stupid, they just seem so engrossed with thier name brand bags, i hope the show wont disappoint me. or you.

im not a hater, im just uh opinionated. haha hope you dont take this in the wrong way dude!

carlosceldran said...

I only talked about their chubbiness and lack of fashion sense simply because they are so "feeling".

I mean, really, I am chubby and wear the same clothes all the time and I am happy with myself. The show just perpetuates the myth that you need money, connections, and expensive clothes/toys to be "fabulous". So irritating in inappropriate during these times. And it only promotes shallow materialistic values among the young members of Manila's most influential set.

Really. these guys should go to Smokey Mountain and have a street urchin shit on their feet to realize how small their world is.

That is all. Remember, I am not calling out for their head like Brian Gorrell. I am just calling them for what they are: Baduy.

Anonymous said...

i think u here carlos is the one 'feeling' it. u have too much words for these kids. its like you know them. i have met one in a fashion show just lately. but i dont go closey closey on her. i just think that these kids are really out there doing these stuff why call them feeling? if its really how they are? how would u know a feeling? maybe u see yourself in them thats why u say they're feeling whatever. that word is very vague but its how it is. im all for the bags not getting flaunted. but your reasoning of FEELING that's why u said theyre chubby is just so pathetic and a bit low. like a little out of hand? easy out celdran. the day is so good to ruin it.

Anonymous said...

And one more thing carlos, do u always resort to name calling instead of carrying on some happy conversation like what we are having now? thats so classy of u! hahahaha

is that how u were brought up by ur alumni relatives?

now carlos,go back to kissing brian's ass & stop killing ur self with jealously & self pity. hahahahaah that is truly pathetic. this brian just publicly humiliated you and you fought back by kissing his ass.now thats classic, u really live up to being an indio.

ANIMO SUCKS BALLS said...

Who is the anonymous motherfucking idiot above who spells everything with "u" instead of "you" and "ur" instead or "your".

It's proven. All the slaves of The Helium Club are brainless idiots who can't spell. Or should I say it's ALL La Sallites who are idiots? Hehehe

FLY HIGH!!

Anonymous said...

Uhmmm...did anonymous 11:28 really say "but i dont go closey closey on her"?..

Anonymous said...

Whatever dude. That's just u and ur. I'm letting that one pass. What i cant take is Carlos himself. Atleast this person never kissed Brian Gorrell's ass. How low can he go. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

"Closey closey" FTW! I couldn't stop laughing When I read that comment.
I wouldn't be surprised if that imbecile was a Helium cast member.

Good Lord! What disturbs me more than the trailer are the notes left on the show's Facebook fan page. Fans praise the show like it's the Messiah or something. WTF??!

beautiful things said...

that trailer gave me a nosebleed. i think my brain might be bleeding a little also

Shernan said...

SINO SILA? and NORTHPARK??? di ko kinayah!

Nash said...

Idiotic. Bow.

girl said...

carlos,

what is the meaning of worsh worsh?

carlosceldran said...

worsh worsh is pa English english.

English with a colonial accent. Usually PA American.

I believe that's it. Anybody else have a better definition out there?

Viscount David Jones-Cua said...

hmmm... that practically butchered the English language. Well as if we Americans don't, but this was way passed that thin line between exotic accent and I only started speaking English for this show.

Truth be told, the Philippines has way too much poverty to get way with [explicit] like that. They all should do something more useful with their lives instead of social climbing and wearing those ugly ass outfits. I don't care how expensive they are. They don't pull it off at all. Their posture alone killed it.

Sorry, if my comment comes out harsh, but after Lipgloss the Filipino gossip girl, I decided to be completely against anything on Philippine media that tried to make second rate secondhand versions of an American or British shows without the franchising rights.

That's my two cents. <-- Like that can buy anything in this country.

Viscount David Jones-Cua said...

p.s. the only reason I'd watch this is to see Bryanboy. Probably the only original thing in this country.

hungry said...

who's their stupid prof? i'm ready to smack him / her

Anonymous said...

Kinabag ako dun...too much helium...puro hangin kasi napanood ko!

Pluhner nga daw kasi.

Anonymous said...

Hoy, "closey-closey" - lay off Carlos, ok?

Eric said...

Y'know what annoys me about them? It's the fact that they can't comprehend the negative comments that have been thrown at them. They looove to delete the comments on their Facebook page that are disparaging. And I love it when the makers pride themselves of their 1500+ fans going strong. C'mon. It doesn't take Wonder Woman to win this battle. Dude, I mean, c'mon. She has a lasso, yeaaaah

Anonymous said...

prada. prada. prada..

Thats all i needed to hear to say that this show is fucking embarrassing.

THE HILLS RIP OFF. DID THEY HAVE TO COPY THE FONT TOO???

-_-

Polythene Pam said...

sad in infinite levels.

Maila said...

I was dumbfounded at that display of airheadedness (well, at least they got the title right - The Helium Club).

One would think that a trailer was made to capture the interest of the TV viewers not disgust them.

Are you sure this one deserves a spot on live TV? Maybe the producers of the show should think about doing a reshoot.

And what the heck was that press release all about? five lives that would change Manila - oh puhleeez.

Oh well, I would like to believe that's just the rough draft of the show's trailer and that it would be a gem of a show once it goes on air.

Ramon Paolo said...

Watching the video feels like sipping hot coffee on a scorching summer noon.

Pranz Kaeno said...

Well said Mr. Celdran. It reminded me of this article from NYTimes:

Who’s Afraid of ‘NYC Prep’?
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/05/fashion/05nycprep.html


A quote from the article:
"All of which contradicted an unspoken rule at many private schools: to be showy or prideful is not only culturally inappropriate, but also in supremely bad taste. To be showy or prideful on reality television appears to be even worse. "

Anonymous said...

good job carlos....

subukan nga kaya nila tumira sa payatas para malaman nila na naghihirap ang pilipinas.

sana maisip na lang nila tumulong sa mga naghihirap na pilipino...
sayang ang yaman kung hindi rin naman mapapakinabangan ng mas nangangailangan.

Anonymous said...

to the HELIUM haters' CLUB:

it's kind of funny how most of you here hate the helium club when you took a few minutes of your precious time watching their trailer...

i haven't seen their show but your comments intrigue me. and that's gonna make me watch it, actually.

if you guys don't support, then don't comment. bad publicity is still good publicity coz it's way better than having no publicity at all. right, mr. celdran? i bet helium club owes you one with your post.


ps. what exactly do you call the process of coining a word such as "worsh worsh"? inventing a baby vocabulary is far worse than bad english with an accent, i suppose.

but hey, at least you got a definition. haha!

Anonymous said...

Hi Carlos..

Any news on the "Helium Club"? hehehe

Kristine

Anonymous said...

@ Kat:

Helium is not air. Helium is lighter than air. Mixing up my metaphors, hence they're "full of nothing but LESS than air". You give them too much credit...